So, here is the rest of the story.
The stroke that broke the camel's back and made me speak out was the winter solstice ritual!
It was time to celebrate Yule, the members of the moot's inner coven were getting ready to celebrate for a few days and they invited me to attend the celebration.
From the moment I met them on the night I knew that things would not go well.
The “Props”:
Apparently the ritual has a large wreath that people should pass through at some point, so... the “wreath” was a large hula hoop decorated with a single strand of ivy and some holly.
The offering was fruit cake bought from the local grocery store.
The fire pit was a small beach torch from the local toy-store.
Capes and cloaks were plastic velvet with velcro tapes from the local Halloween store.
Nothing was handmade, nothing was serious, everything was simply for aesthetics and convenience.
The excuses:
When setting everything up I asked the “High Priestess” why her ritual dagger was a plywood cut-out in the shape of a dagger and not an actual dagger. The excuse was that metals are offensive to the fairies and since we celebrate in a forest the fairies could be offended and mess up with the magic energies of the ritual...
The fails:
Buckle up for this one...
The time came when the ritual had to start. One of the “Priests” hadn't prepared anything to chant (quarters, guardians, whatever at this point) so they took out their phone, googled something, and did their entire ritual reading from their phone. At this point the whole thing started feeling like kindergarten pupils playing.
The peak of hope-shattering events was towards the end of the ritual when it was time to dance and sing around the “fire”.
None had prepared anything, none had rehearsed anything, and there were no arrangements for music or even what song to sing or what dance to dance.
This is what happened, I kid you not, I wish I was... Young adult coven members, and 40-65 year old priests and priestesses in shiny plastic “velvet” capes, jumping on a circle around a small toy torch, trying to pass through a hula hoop and being prickled/scratched by the holly, while singing “Jingle Bells”, because this was the only song all of them new and since it was “Christmas” it was fitting...
The memory of this still brings me second-hand embarrassment, but I don't know if I should feel sad about them or not, since they seemed happy and I think they like role-playing the whole coven thing.
I never saw them in person again, nor did I attend any other moots. Not just because of the celebration, but because I thought it would be a great idea to post my honest thoughts on their facebook group. (I was very young and stupid, I know)
I do not have a screenshot of my post, but it was something along the lines of:
“For the past few years I am attending the moots, and every time I mention anything practical I am met with a feeling of hostility.... going the indirect way always ends up with people dropping the conversation, and I have heard many times people talking behind my back saying a variety of false things about it or plainly talking bad about me because of my “questioning” nature, so I decided to make the direct question and that I would like to know if anyone from the 1.000+ members of the group is actually up for exchanging knowledge and practising together....”
I should have known better that confronting people who try so hard to maintain a bubble is a BIG MISTAKE.
A war erupted in the comments. I have only but a snippet of the comments, only the last few of the entire thread, but enough to give an idea of the whole picture:
This Reads:
“Priestess” - A lot of these comments you have made above are personal, you have come onto another group and it sounds like complaining to me. This is not acceptable to me. (Name) is a personal friend you cannot just say what you want and not get a reaction. This is a group to talk about Pagan things not for you to air your grievances on. As you say you do not like people talking behind your back. Well I am telling you straight to your face now that I am now going to complain to the moderators of this group about some of the things you have posted here that way you know exactly where I stand on this matter.
Me – The post was pagan related... I stated that Occultism in (city name) looks a bit dead and that people seem distant when it comes to meet and practice... Then everyone started commenting on a personal level about me... Is it me again the one who is bad?
“Priestess” - I do not wish to discuss this further on an open page.
Me – Obviously not... when I have a point nobody wants to discuss.
Essentially, the mentality is “Abide by our role-playing rule and play along or you will be shamed and banned”.
Needless to say that I did not manage to get any answers from the rest of the 1.000 members as I was banned on the spot after my last comment, and as I found out a few years later, the rest of the members were warned that anyone found associating with me would be banned from the group (which explains why every group member blocked me the day after even if they did not partake in the conversation).
I do not know why I even bother writing this story. I was juvenile, hopeless, helpless, and probably delusional myself believing that any practitioners of magic, especially Venumbris, would ever set foot in such places/groups, but I really wanted to believe that there was even a tiny chance of finding a connection back to the Venumbris Societies.
Perhaps I am writing it so I get it out of my system, maybe I am still bitter about it because I wasted years of my life, hopes, and dreams, chasing a bubble, ending up being treated so badly (after my ban they slandered me everywhere etc.)... What can I say. Half of me feels good finally saying this silly story, the other half feels anxious about the “comment war” and slander this post might cause.
Anyway!
A couple of years later (still young and full of hope) I managed to join the O.T.O. (Ordo Templi Orientis)... and oh boy do I have stories to tell about this experience! Not bitter about it as it was a great social experience and the people were way more mature and lovely, but it wasn't worth it in any occult-related means.
Let me know, and if anyone wants I will write a few things about my experiences as an O.T.O. Member.
Peace!
- Mortimor
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